can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
