I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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