Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
