Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
