I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
