Don't you send me to vm
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
