Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize