Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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