Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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