I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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