2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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