so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
