you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
