Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
