We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
