Whod you bang
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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