And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
there is puke in my bra ... again
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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