TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
