I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We had sex on a dog bed..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
