you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
