turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
