ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
