I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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