I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
