Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
