dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
