i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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