Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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