i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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