Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
