Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
