If that was your dad, he is hot
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
