I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize