I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
