nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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