She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
