3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
