So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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