i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
