maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
