Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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