take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
