So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
