dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
