Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize