I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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