Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
