i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
