how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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