when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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