i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
