are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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