hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
