I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
