yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize