can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
