I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
