ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just invented taco cereal.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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