she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
