Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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