we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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