You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
