At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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