Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
