rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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