Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
