I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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