Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
