Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
