i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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