Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize