So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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