Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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