...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
