If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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