She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize