Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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