how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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