What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
