Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
