he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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